The twenties are a time of enormous shift, and oftentimes we feel the shift the most in our friendships. Here are a few questions that are commonly asked and ways to address them.  

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1. Is it normal to outgrow friendships in my twenties and thirties?

Absolutely. Your 20s and 30s are full of transitions like new jobs, relationships, cities, and identities. The people who fit perfectly in one season of life may not fit as well in the next, and that doesn’t make the friendship a failure. Outgrowing a friend often just means your priorities, values, or lifestyles have shifted. Think of it less as “losing” friends and more as making space for connections that align with who you are becoming.

2. How do I set boundaries in a relationship without pushing someone away?”

Boundaries don’t push people away—they make relationships healthier. The key is how you communicate them. Instead of saying, “No, I can’t,” without explanation, try framing it around your needs like, “I need some quiet time after work, but I’d love to catch up this weekend.” The friends who value you will respect the boundary, not resent it.

3. Why is it so much harder to make friends as an adult than in school or college?

In school, friendships happened almost by default. You see the same people every day, with built-in opportunities to connect. Adulthood doesn’t offer that structure. Between work, family, and personal responsibilities, time feels scarce. Making friends as an adult often requires intentional effort: joining groups, reaching out first, and being consistent. The upside? Friendships you make now are usually built on genuine compatibility, not just convenience.

4. Is it normal to feel lonely even when I have strong friendships?

Yes, and it doesn’t mean your friendships are weak. Loneliness isn’t always about the number of friends you have—it’s about whether you feel seen and understood in the ways you need. You might have amazing friends, but crave deeper conversations or more frequent connections. It can also reflect an inner need: sometimes loneliness is your signal to check in with yourself. Talking to a therapist can be helpful to untangle what’s going on underneath the surface.

 

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