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Most of us have heard of the mid-life crisis or watched it play out in the movies. Whenever I hear the word mid-life crisis, I always think of Steve Martin in Father of The Bride when he finds out he is going to be a grandpa. He immediately starts to freak out, dyes his hair, and sells his house, among other things.
Though the mid-life crisis is frequently talked about, another crisis has come to light that is lesser-known: The Quarter Life Crisis.
As people are getting married, starting families, buying houses, basically “settling down” later and later in life, a new form of crisis has emerged. The quarter-life crisis is defined as “anxiety over the direction and quality of one’s life.” It’s most commonly experienced between the early twenties through the mid-thirties. It’s a time when you feel lost, scared, confused, and lonely, not sure where to go or what changes you need to make. It can pop up after a break-up or when you’re at a dead-end job. It’s a desire for change but being unsure how to quite make that change. It’s constantly questioning the direction of your career and feeling like you aren’t achieving your potential or a fear that you’re falling behind.
It’s that feeling of constant push/pull in so many directions your head starts to spin. It’s the struggle to understand and define your values. It’s feeling like even though you’re making good money, you don’t feel like you’re contributing to society or it’s looking at your partner each night knowing they aren’t the one you want to create a future with.
It’s the powerful question that nags in the back of your mind. “Is this it?”
Stages of a Quarter-Life Crisis
The quarter-life crisis often manifests in the stages below:
- You begin to feel trapped and/or weighed down by your life choices, wondering “is this going to be it for the next 40 years?” You begin to question if there’s more out there or if you’re making the right decisions in your life.
- After constant hours of analyzing, you begin to decide that you do need a change, knowing with more urgency you need to get out of whatever situation you are in. You being to think that change is possible.
- You change whatever has been weighing you down, whether it be ending the relationship, quitting the job, or moving to the new city you’ve always wanted to. This begins a period of exploration and discovery that can also lead to loneliness and isolation, as you’re trying to figure out your direction and life choices.
- You begin reflecting and rebuilding, figuring out what it is you truly want and desire.
- You begin to develop new commitments and activities that are more in line with your values.
Why Therapy is Helpful During a Quarter-Life Crisis
Most people report feeling happier being on the other side of a quarter-life crisis, however, these stages can take months or years to move through. Each stage brings about new changes and anxieties around the transitions and the periods of limbo can be torturous. If things don’t work out according to plan or as fast as you expect, anxiety and depression can creep in. Additionally, each stage requires in-depth analysis and self-reflection.
Stage 1 and 2
Therapy can be a powerful tool while going through each stage of a quarter-life crisis. In the beginning, explorative stage of a quarter-life crisis, therapy can help you untangle what the root cause of the desire for change is, whether a change is necessary, and/or what changes you need to take in the immediate future.
Stage 3 and 4
During the transition stage of a quarter-life crisis, therapy can provide a nonjudgmental outlet to better understand yourself, your values, and what you truly want out of life. This is the stage where feelings like loneliness, fear, and confusion can pop up as you are going through your transition. Therapy creates a safe space to reflect and feel difficult emotions while learning to not let the emotions overpower you. Emotions are powerful tools and provide insight into what you desire. By allowing yourself to explore those emotions, it can lead you to figure out what you want out of life. Therapy is a great space to reflect and rebuild.
Stage 5
Once you have reflected and begun to rebuild, at the end stage of a quarter-life crisis, therapy can help you identify your goals and values to allow you to move towards what you actually want. Understanding your values will help identify the future direction and what you want to commit to in the future to live a meaningful life.
Whether you are at the beginning stages of a quarter-life crisis or seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, therapy can help you get unstuck and help you untangle your thoughts and feelings so you don’t feel so alone. Many, many people experience at least one quarter-life crisis in their lifetime. You don’t have to suffer alone.
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